How to Turn Genuine Feedback Into Meaningful Change

Over 10 years ago, I had one of the most important conversations of my life. I was 20 at the time and working as an intern for a large private company. My supervisor set me down and told me directly and without hesitation, “If that ever happens again, I will fire you”.

Let’s back up so I can give you the full story. We were on a business trip to Chattanooga to help with the commercialization of a new product. We had all-day meetings going over the who, what, when, where, and how, and it was boring to say the least. 4-6 hour sprints with little to no breaks talking about bringing the product to market. The product was a polymer that would be used for downstream manufacturing… not exciting to put it nicely.

To be honest, I messed up and this is on me. After lunch one day I got a little drowsy as one does. You can probably see where I’m going here but as one of the leads was talking about protecting the IP I took myself a little nap. Looking back it’s hilarious, at that point in my life it was a nightmare. What made it worse was I was doing the head bob where you’re kind of asleep but not and then you repeat. You know what I’m talking about.

Let’s fast forward back to my meeting with my supervisor.

He threw a 30 minute 1-on-1 on my calendar and we met. He came out hot with how unprofessional it was and then the threat of being fired. He had every right to be angry, I messed up.

We finished our meeting and I went back to my desk. At the time, I was immature (I still am) so I sat and sulked. I was getting my work done but I was pissed and I took our conversation as an insult. I had all sorts of excuses in my head and was putting the blame on everyone else. “The meeting was boring”, “I had no business being there”, “Why couldn’t we take breaks?”, etc.

Then out of nowhere, my supervisor comes back up to me and says we need to meet again right now.

To be honest I was ready to pack my bags and be escorted out but that’s not how this went.

He sat me down and asked if I was okay. He then stated that no one had probably ever talked to me like that besides a parent, and he was right. He then went on to explain to me how feedback works and how powerful it is.

“Shelby, you can take this conversation one of two ways: You can sit and sulk and push blame onto others or you can take it as a challenge to get better and realize the only reason I’m telling you this is because I believe in you and care about you. I could have easily just fired you and moved on but you would never have gotten better”.

It’s like he flipped a switch in my brain. One of those moments that is so important in my life I’ll never forget it. A core memory. Whatever you want to call it.

Since that meeting 10 years ago I have taken feedback and ran with it. I welcome it in my everyday life from coworkers and customers and I give it to employees on a regular basis because I realize how powerful it is.

How to Get Feedback

Getting people to open up and have a conversation that breaks the surface level can be difficult. A simple example of this is a survey I give to key employees once a year. It’s a survey that stays between just them and I and as you’ll see, it’s not complicated but here are the questions:

What are some things I do well
What are some things I could improve
What could my project manager do to better support me?
What are the things my project manager does that I want them to continue to do?
What can ________ as a company do to better the work environment, culture, or any overall comments?

5 questions that open up a ton of conversation and make giving and receiving feedback extremely simple.

How to Give Feedback

I’m not an expert on this by any means but I have had my fair share of tough conversations. The good news is that the tough ones are the minority if you are doing this right. In fact, they are probably only 5-10% of the conversations that are had. I believe if you are doing this right then most of the time you give feedback it should be about positive things.

People don’t hear they are doing a good job enough.

Yeah, yeah I’m sure some of you reading this are thinking to yourselves how soft this generation is and blah blah blah. I’m not here to argue that with you. I’m here to tell you the facts and that is that people want to hear how they are doing. I’m an optimist, I believe most people in this world are good people and that they want to be the best they can be in this life. From their perspective, they’re showing up, doing the work, and trying their best. A simple “hey, I noticed how you handled that situation, and you did a great job” goes further than you think.

When you do need to have tough conversations, approach them the way my supervisor did with me. Be direct, be honest, but then follow up with why you’re having the conversation in the first place. Make it clear that you’re investing in them because you see their potential. That’s what separates feedback that destroys someone from feedback that builds them up.

Some People Won’t Be Receptive

The fact of the matter is, some people will never get any value from getting feedback. Whether it’s ego, emotions, or personalit,y they just don’t want to hear it. I’ve learned this the hard way over the years. You can deliver feedback perfectly, with care and intention, and some people will still take it as a personal attack or ignore it completely.

And you know what? That’s okay. You can’t force someone to grow if they’re not ready. What you can do is be consistent, be fair, and continue creating a culture where feedback is expected. Some people will come around eventually. Others won’t. At the end of the day, there is nothing you can do about it and that’s alright. Focus your energy on the people who want to get better.

Final Thoughts

That conversation 10 years ago changed my entire perspective on criticism, growth, and how I show up in the world. My supervisor could have just fired me and moved on with his day. Instead, he took the time to teach me something that has shaped my career and how I lead others.

If you’re on the receiving end of feedback, take a breath before you react. Ask yourself if the person giving it actually cares about you and wants you to succeed. If the answer is yes, then you have a choice: sulk and make excuses, or take it as fuel to get better.

If you’re the one giving feedback, remember that how you deliver it matters just as much as what you say. Be direct, be kind, and make it clear why you’re having the conversation. Most importantly, don’t just point out what’s wrong – invest the time to help people understand how they can improve.

Feedback isn’t comfortable. But it’s one of the most powerful tools we have for growth. Don’t waste it.